My oldest son was about to have his first birthday party that we would be inviting his friends from school to when I realized I had the opportunity to educate our son’s classmates and their parents on a larger scale by including a note in their invitations. I had always been pretty open about my children’s Autism in one-on-one interactions with parents and other kids but I had never made any sort of formal announcement.
The fear of myself or my children being rejected had me questioning if I should just try to avoid the topic all together and just send out generic invitations. As I argued with myself I realized it wasn’t just about the message I wanted to send to other families, but the message I wanted to send my children. In private I tell them to be proud of who they are and what they contribute to the world but hiding their Autism in public feels shame based. I wouldn’t be able to sleep at night without practicing what I preach which led me to write up this handout for the other parents.
We have had a fantastic reception to this format and have had some incredible conversations about Neurodiversity, autism and acceptance with families I would have never imagined being close with. This openness isn’t right for every family but it was exactly what we needed.
“Thanks for coming to our Autism friendly birthday party today!
As you may or may not already know, both the birthday boy and his two younger siblings have Autism. Autism is a disorder that begins before birth and continues throughout the lifespan. Most of the time, people with ASD look “normal” but they may communicate, interact, behave, and learn in ways that are different from most other people. No two people with Autism are the same (even siblings) and the severity of symptoms fall on a spectrum where some people live normal lives while other people may need help with basic skills or communication.
People with Autism often have problems with social, emotional, and communication skills. A person with Autism is usually interested in other people but is not sure how to talk, play or relate to them. Sometimes my son will play by himself because he doesn’t know what to do or is waiting for a friend to show him how to play so the friendlier other children are the better! People who have Autism may have a hard time holding a normal back and forth conversation and might ramble without giving the other person a chance to talk or just stare at them without knowing what to say next, my son does both, and will require a little extra patience but I promise you that hearing his giggle is worth the wait.
Making eye contact and watching another person’s facial expressions may be difficult for someone with Autism. My son may not notice when he is doing something that upsets another child even if they are pouting or crying. He will need to be clearly told that the other child feels sad to which he will instantly feel bad and say he is sorry. Children with Autism tend to have a hard time seeing things from another person’s perspective, my son may not naturally understand why another child got upset when he took their toy so it would be helpful to teach your child to say things like “I feel sad when you take my toy, please give it back” and my son will understand to give the toy back. He wants to please others but needs help knowing exactly what he should do.
People with Autism tend to stick to routines and be very upset by any changes in plans. My son will spend an hour each night asking questions about every detail of the following day and when it doesn’t go as planned may get very anxious. This can make it hard for us to go out places and we may need to leave early if it gets too overwhelming, it is important that your child knows that him leaving early is not personal. Autism also causes people to do things repetitively. Some people will flap their hands or spin the tires on a toy car for hours; people with Autism find these things calming and it’s nothing to be concerned about. They also tend to get obsessed with topics. My son is obsessed with trucks and construction vehicles as your child probably already knows!
Autism also causes the brain to amplify or reduce sensations. A person with Autism may hear sounds louder than the rest of us and need to wear headphones to block out the extra noise. They may need to swing, jump or wrap up in a blanket to calm themselves down. Tags in their clothes may feel like sandpaper or they may be a picky eater (my son eats 3 slices of plain bread for dinner almost every night!). It is helpful to explain sensory issues to your child so they can understand my son better.
My son has had a variety of therapies since he was 15 months old to learn how to talk and how to interact with other people. It has been a long road but he continues to exceed our expectations. He will keep working hard and in the meantime, I want to thank each of you in advance for educating your children on Autism so that they can better understand my children and all other people with Autism throughout the world. We are more than open to answering any questions about Autism so feel free to ask us at any time throughout our children’s school years together. Our goal is to create a world where our three children are understood and valued…Thank you for being a part of that world!”